In my mid-twenties, here and there, I heard a little voice (no, I’m not crazy :D) whispering that my mission was to help others, particularly through my writing. To be very clear, I had no prior relationship—or at least not that I knew of—with that voice, so I had no intention of listening to it. Sure, I always had a little love for writing, but it didn’t necessarily mean I was good at it. Clear evidence of this was when I attempted to submit short fiction stories to teenage newspapers during my youth; all failed miserably, and none were ever published.
Except for completing school writing assignments and aiding my ex-boyfriend at University twice in crafting persuasive letters to his professors—miraculously turning his academic fortunes from failing to passing exams—I had never utilized my writing for anything particularly useful or noteworthy elsewhere.
But the “Little Voice” kept coming back—not annoyingly, but rather very convincingly. So I decided to give it a shot. I had numerous thoughts swirling in my mind to share, yet getting started proved exceedingly difficult. I didn’t know where or how to begin. I’d write a paragraph, erase it, start anew, and then erase it again—this cycle repeated for a couple of weeks until I eventually gave up. I didn’t feel like I was ready, nor did writing feel like a suitable path for me, as the “Little Voice” had advised me.
Slightly disappointed, I told the “Little Voice” that perhaps I would pursue its urging later in life when I had more time and had already established a successful career. At the moment, I wanted to savor my youth—enjoying drinking and partying—focus on purchasing my own apartment, and strive for a promotion as a Marketing Manager or Marketing Team Leader somewhere.
And just like that, the “Little Voice” vanished.
A few years later, at the age of 32, I had genuinely achieved everything I had ever wished for in life. I stood at the pinnacle of my career, having owned and co-owned several businesses spanning Europe and Asia.
Fame—I got it
Big Money—I got it
A nice apartment—I got it
Then, the “Little Voice” returned, questioning whether I was finally ready. With the wealth of experiences and lessons acquired through building my businesses, surely I had plenty of material to write or talk about.
I bargained, “Maybe when I become a bit older, like 40 or 50, and I’m semi-retiring or retiring, then I should certainly have more time to write a book about my life and experiences to share with the world. For now, I’m just too busy. I have a fast-growing business and a team to take care of. This is not the right time!”
The “Little Voice” said, “All right!” and disappeared again!
Well, my semi-retirement came a bit earlier than I had anticipated. In April 2020, at the age of 35, I made the decision to exit my last company and planned to indulge myself with a six-month to a year sabbatical first, to figure out my next steps.
The “Little Voice” resurfaced eagerly and excitedly, asking, “Is now the right time? You have both time and money at your disposal, and nothing stands in your way. You can devote all the time you wish to writing. Shall we get started?”
To be honest, it was just a voice in my head, and I never took it quite seriously. My promise was merely a polite gesture, akin to saying “Let’s have a drink or catch up soon” when meeting someone, but never following through. I felt no obligation to fulfill what the “Little Voice” asked of me. What had it done to earn my commitment? If I had the time and inclination to pursue it, I would. But at the moment, I simply didn’t feel up to it.
Feeling a bit annoyed, I responded impatiently, “No, not now. I still have one last big ambition to accomplish. I want to take my rest first, and afterward, I want to build a $100M e-commerce empire. I don’t have time to help others. Isn’t it enough that in everything I’ve done so far I’ve always tried to treat everyone nicely, fairly, and helped as much or as little as I could?”
I continued, softening my voice as I didn’t want the “Little Voice” to take offense. I may need its help in the future, and I didn’t want to burn any bridges unnecessarily. “But I promise that when I become older, I will write a book about my life and experiences to help others, as you have asked!”
I remember the “Little Voice” pausing for a few seconds, seemingly wanting to say something more, but ultimately just uttering, “All right!” before disappearing again.
** This chapter is part of a TEN-chapter series— don’t miss any part of the story! Stay updated and read more chapters from this series here:
- Part 1: What the Heck is Meditation? Definitely Not for Me!
- Part 2: Attempts to Convert Me into a Believer—The Universe?! Good Luck with That!
- Part 3: God, Allah, Buddha, and the Universe—Help Me! I Beg for Mercy!
- Part 4: The Planted Seeds
- Part 5: My Surrender Experiment
- Part 6: Are These Signs from the Universe?
- Part 7: The Epiphanies
- Part 8: How Meditation Changed Me and My Life
- Part 9: The Most Phenomenal and Bizarre Experience of My Life
- Part 10 (Final): The Power of Going Within
