Family dynamics and friendships can vary drastically across cultures, yet the need for emotional support is universal. Whether you’re facing life’s challenges or celebrating its joys, the presence of family and close friends significantly impacts your mental and emotional well-being. In this blog post, I’ll share my personal experiences of navigating family relationships across different cultures and highlight why staying connected with loved ones is crucial for mental health.
Contrasting Dutch and Vietnamese Family Dynamics
When I first came to the Netherlands, I was shocked to learn that many families don’t stay connected. It’s not uncommon for children, parents, and siblings to go for years without talking to or seeing each other. Even families with good relationships might only see each other a few times a year. This was surprising to me because, in Vietnam, where I grew up, family ties are incredibly strong.
In my family, even if we don’t get along or argue, we always make an effort to mend our relationships and spend time together as often as we can. It doesn’t take Christmas, New Year, or a special occasion for us to reunite—we come together regularly for meals and to simply enjoy each other’s company.
The Role of Family in Overcoming Life’s Challenges
When I left home at 17 to attend university in Vietnam, the 3-4 hour one-way bus ride from Hanoi to Hai Phong became a regular part of my routine. Despite the distance, I made the journey every two weeks to see my parents, unless school was too demanding. Those frequent trips home were my emotional anchor during a time of significant change. I remember losing 4 kg in the first month of living away from home, dropping from 42 to 38 kg (92.6 to 83.8 lb)—I was almost as light as a feather.
When I later moved to the Netherlands for further studies, staying connected was even more challenging. Social media platforms like Facebook or Instagram didn’t exist yet, and Wi-Fi phones weren’t a thing. Even so, I saved every penny to call my parents every two weeks, with four weeks being the longest I could go without hearing their voices.
I often tell my siblings how lucky I am to have been born into the same family as them, sharing our challenging childhood and supporting each other through thick and thin. Even now, after more than 20 years of living abroad, I still find it hard to say goodbye whenever I visit them. The love and support I receive from my family are so strong that I know, no matter what happens, they will always be there to pull me out of any tough situation.
This isn’t to say that we don’t have our flaws—we annoy each other just as much as any other family. But in the end, our love always prevails. Even though we are now in our thirties and forties with families of our own, we still make a habit of checking in on each other almost every week.
The Importance of Staying Connected Despite Distance
I remember when I first caught COVID-19, during the early days when the world was still in shock. Thousands were dying each day in Europe, especially in Spain and Italy. My younger brother, usually the strong and stoic rock of our family, was overwhelmed with worry. He’s not someone who cries easily, but he couldn’t hold back his tears out of concern for me. I only found out about this two years later when his wife shared how deeply he had been affected. This revelation was a poignant reminder of the profound impact family support can have, even when it’s expressed quietly and from afar.
During my student years and even now, my sister would always save money to send me Vietnamese foods that she knows I love. Through all my life’s hardships—whether it was a broken heart, business failure, court case, or sickness—my family has always been there for me. They may not be physically present, but whenever I need them, their arms are always open to welcome me home. It’s incredibly heartwarming to know that you always have a cushion to lean on.
Building an Extended Family Through Close Friendships
Similarly, the close friends I’ve made since coming to the Netherlands have truly become my second family. Although this circle evolves—some friends have moved away, and others are busy raising families—the bond we share remains strong. Without their support, I doubt I would have been able to overcome the many hardships and challenges life has thrown my way. They offer a listening ear, cook me amazing meals, and spend quality time with me, making my troubles either disappear or seem much smaller after our talks.
Why Connecting with Loved Ones is Crucial for Your Mental Health
Beyond my personal experiences, research also underscores the vital role that family and close friends play in our mental health. During times of emotional turbulence, turning to loved ones can be one of the most supportive actions you can take. Engaging in open, heartfelt conversations with those who care about you can significantly alleviate stress and provide much-needed relief.
Studies published in Health Psychology and Psychological Science emphasize that strong social connections not only reduce stress but also enhance overall well-being. These relationships offer emotional comfort and contribute to physical health by moderating stress-related physiological responses. In fact, a 2020 survey by the American Psychological Association found that 61% of Americans reported receiving emotional support from their families and close friends, highlighting the crucial role these connections play in managing stress and maintaining mental health.
The following benefits of emotional support are well-documented by science, and I can personally vouch for every one of them:
- Emotional Validation: Sharing your thoughts and feelings with someone who listens empathetically can make you feel validated and less alone. This connection is crucial for maintaining mental well-being.
- Fresh Perspectives: Friends and family can offer insights and solutions that you might not have considered. Their outside perspective can bring clarity and help you approach problems from a new angle.
- Strengthening Bonds: Opening up not only strengthens your relationships but also reinforces your support network. It’s a reciprocal process—by allowing others to support you, you build a stronger foundation for mutual support in the future.
- Stress Relief: Expressing your concerns can reduce the intensity of your emotions and provide a sense of relief. Verbalizing your struggles helps you process and manage them more effectively.
The Joy of Giving and Receiving Support
It’s natural to feel hesitant about asking for help. We might worry about becoming a burden or troubling those we care about. However, it’s important to remember that reaching out for support is not a burden—quite the opposite. Helping others can actually enhance personal happiness. Research from the University of Exeter shows that people who support others experience increased life satisfaction and reduced stress.
Think about a time when you helped a colleague with a small task and saw the relief on their face, or when you directed a stranger to the right bus line and saw their brightest smile. Perhaps you assisted someone online, and they expressed their gratitude repeatedly. How did you feel afterward? Chances are, you experienced a deep sense of joy and fulfillment. This is exactly how your loved ones feel when you trust them enough to confide in them and seek their support. By leaning on them, you not only lighten your own burden but also enrich their lives, giving them the chance to be a meaningful part of your journey.
As a Chinese proverb wisely states: “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” This reflects the profound joy and satisfaction derived from mutual support and empathy.
Furthermore, by reaching out to your family and friends, you also open the door for them to lean on you during their own times of need. It creates a reciprocal relationship where support flows both ways, strengthening your connections and deepening your bonds.
So, if you’re suffering in silence, don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust. Asking for support can lift your burden and provide relief, while also enriching the lives of those who care about you.
Practical Tips for Staying Connected
There are countless ways to stay connected, and while I’m no expert, here are a few tips that have worked well for me:
1. Plan Visits or In-Person Meetups: This is my favorite way to stay connected. There’s something special about seeing loved ones in person, noticing the subtle changes, and being physically near them. Vietnam is far away, and traveling there monthly isn’t feasible, so I aim to visit my family once a year. When I do, I stay for one to two months to make the most of our time together. With friends in Amsterdam, it’s much easier—we often go out for dinner and drinks or gather at each other’s homes for a meal and some good conversation.
2. Schedule Regular Calls: While meeting in person is ideal, busy schedules and long distances don’t always make it possible. With my family in Vietnam, I make it a priority to have a video call every other Sunday. This routine helps us stay close, despite the miles between us. I have a young niece and nephew, and even though I only see them in person once a year at most, these regular video calls keep our bond strong. When we do meet, they’re never shy—they jump right into my arms, ready to play, as if no time has passed. Even with my close friends here in the Netherlands, our schedules don’t always align for in-person meetups. So, we make a point to call each other whenever we want to catch up or share something. Though some friends have moved—one to Vietnam, another to Hawaii, and another to Spain—we continue to stay involved in each other’s lives, always there when it matters most.
3. Travel Together: I used to think that buying gifts or giving money was the best way to show love, but I’ve learned that traveling together brings much more joy and strengthens our bond. I’ll never forget the first time I took my mom and sisters on a trip around Myanmar. It was their first time leaving the country, staying in five-star hotels, having a personal tour guide, and even going on a magical hot air balloon ride. It was also our first all-women family trip. Years later, that’s still the experience my mom and siblings talk about most. Material gifts can be forgotten, but shared memories like these last a lifetime.
I also love traveling with friends. Stepping away from our ordinary lives and responsibilities gives us more space to listen, understand, and show compassion toward each other. It’s an amazing way to strengthen friendships.
4. Share Experiences: I use social media and messaging apps like WhatsApp, Telegram, Instagram, or Facebook to keep updated with both my friends and family. Whether it’s sharing a funny story, sending a quick check-in message, or posting photos from a recent event, these small interactions help maintain the sense of closeness. They may seem minor, but they play a crucial role in keeping our relationships alive and vibrant.
5. Reach Out When You Need Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out when you’re facing difficulties. I’ve done this many times, simply sending a message to friends or family asking for a chat or advice. Every time, I’ve received a quick response and the support I needed. There’s no shame in showing vulnerability; in fact, it often strengthens our relationships. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a powerful act of trust and connection.
Conclusion
No matter where we live or how our cultures shape our interactions, the need for close, supportive relationships is a universal aspect of human life. Whether you’re leaning on them during tough times or sharing in life’s joys, these connections are vital for a fulfilling and emotionally healthy life. So, as you go about your day, remember to reach out to those who matter most. In the end, it’s these relationships that provide the foundation for a fulfilling and emotionally healthy life.
Take a moment today to reach out to a family member or close friend. Whether it’s a quick text, a phone call, or a visit, your effort to connect can make a world of difference—for both you and them.
***This chapter is part of an eight-chapter series titled “How to Overcome Difficult Times in Life: Tips, Strategies, and Personal Advice.”
Don’t miss any part of the series! Stay updated and explore the full collection of chapters here:
- Introduction: How To Overcome Difficult Times In Life: Tips, Strategies, And Personal Advice
- Part 1: How to Use Journaling to Clear Your Mind and Boost Emotional Well-Being
- Part 2: How a 30-60 Minute Walk in Nature Can Enhance Your Mental and Physical Health
- Part 3: How to Practice Positive Self-Talk for Better Mental Health
- Part 4: How to Set Small Goals and Achievable Tasks for Success
- Part 5: The Power of Self-Love: Proven Practices for Mental Health and Fulfillment
- Part 6: Why Talking to Family and Close Friends is Crucial for Emotional Support
- Part 7: The Benefits of Practicing Meditation: How to Get Started
- Part 8: The Surprising Health Benefits of Cold Showers: Boost Energy, Reduce Stress, and Build Mental Resilience
