Just a few weeks later, I received an investigation letter from the Dutch Tax Authorities.
From then on, and for the next two and a half years, the “Little Voice” visited me more frequently, seemingly at random as always. Yet, as I reflect back, it always appeared precisely when I needed it the most—often during or immediately after experiencing any mental breakdown triggered by new unfavorable discoveries made by the Tax Authorities against me and my case.
The “Little Voice” never once promised or hinted at the outcomes of my tax case, whether directly or indirectly. It repeated only one message, tirelessly:
“There is a greater purpose awaiting you at the end of this journey! I cannot reveal what it is, as it is your task to find out. Do not dwell on regrets or beat yourself up for what happened. This event MUST HAPPEN, and there is no way to circumvent it. Even if you could turn back time to alter certain events, you would still arrive at this juncture. With your personality and character, without this life-altering event, your life could never turn its page to the new chapter where it’s destined for!”
Strangely enough, whereas before I would often brush off the words of the “Little Voice,” now I found myself never growing tired of its guidance and advice. The “Little Voice” was the only “entity” that truly understood everything about me and my situation, alongside my two lawyers. Its words brought me immense peace, even if only for a fleeting moment before the next wave of distress hit.
Every word within the “Little Voice’s” message resonated deeply with me, ringing true to my core. Even before its guidance, I had a strong intuition regarding the purpose behind my ordeal. Though I didn’t have all the answers back then,I was certain it must have unfolded for a significant reason. Upon hearing its reconfirmation, I quickly came to accept my situation without dwelling on the past with regrets or wishing I could have done something differently. The “Little Voice” seemed to understand my character exceptionally well. With my fearless, strong-willed nature and big appetite for risk, I would inevitably have engaged in daring endeavors one way or another. Without such a life-threatening event and its profound lesson, I could have never felt compelled to reconsider my path and transform my mindset and lifestyle. And as the “Little Voice” aptly pointed out, my life could never have turned the page to the new chapter it was destined for.
During that darkest and most difficult time of my life, amidst loneliness and desperation (mind you, it happened exactly during the COVID-19 pandemic from 2020 to 2022), I yearned to find something greater than myself to hold onto, something to give me a glimmer of hope to keep fighting. My tax case was beyond my control and beyond that of any human being on Earth; nothing could alter the reality that I had committed a crime and was not innocent.
In my despair, I turned to prayer, reaching out to every deity I knew—God, Allah, and Buddha. I even wrote down my prayers in English for God, Arabic for Allah, and Vietnamese for Buddha, hoping they would understand me in whichever language resonated most deeply with them. Unsure if they could hear me or if their existence was true, I simply kept praying. Perhaps, if they could hear me, in their infinite wisdom, they could show me a glimmer of mercy and offer me a little blessing.
If you’ve read my book, you may recall that during that period, I made “three promises,” committing to spend my life making them come true. One of those promises was to write something to share about my experience with others. That promise was no longer an empty one, as it had been countless times before toward the “Little Voice”. It carried a heavy weight and was morally binding, even though it was merely a commitment made within my mind. It was an exchange for my freedom, guaranteeing that I remained free from imprisonment and criminal conviction.
As I look back, I can’t help but wonder—is it truly my calling to use my writing to help others, as the “Little Voice” has tried to convince me for years? Despite my numerous attempts to evade it, I inevitably find myself drawn back to that very path.
** This chapter is part of a TEN-chapter series— don’t miss any part of the story! Stay updated and read more chapters from this series here:
- Part 1: What the Heck is Meditation? Definitely Not for Me!
- Part 2: Attempts to Convert Me into a Believer—The Universe?! Good Luck with That!
- Part 3: God, Allah, Buddha, and the Universe—Help Me! I Beg for Mercy!
- Part 4: The Planted Seeds
- Part 5: My Surrender Experiment
- Part 6: Are These Signs from the Universe?
- Part 7: The Epiphanies
- Part 8: How Meditation Changed Me and My Life
- Part 9: The Most Phenomenal and Bizarre Experience of My Life
- Part 10 (Final): The Power of Going Within
